one-size-fits-none

Updated: Jan 23

Hi there. Nice to see you again.


As some of you know, I’m currently the Spotlight Writer for the National Stuttering Association – an organization near and dear to my heart because, well, I stutter.


Over the past few months, I had the honor of interviewing four speech-language pathologists (SLPs), many of whom are also a PWS (person who stutters – because who doesn’t love an acronym, right?) who shared their personal and professional journeys. We discussed how to shift mindsets around stuttering, how to empower people who stutter to figure out what works for them, the value of a one-size-fits-none approach, and what it means to communicate effectively and connect with your authentic voice. I left each interview inspired and motivated more than ever to continue sharing stories.


Here are some key themes from this incredible journey, which can apply to anyone – stuttering or not.


Identity


Stuttering can be a core part of personal identity, and it can impact all areas of life. Every PWS has a unique relationship with that stutter that continually evolves. As I like to say, sometimes my stutter is kind of stubborn, and sometimes it needs some love. Sometimes I react to it, and sometimes I laugh with it.


Embracing your stutter can empower you to connect with your authentic self, and it can be a powerful way to practice self-kindness. At the same time, a common goal of stuttering therapy and support is to see your stutter as simply one part of you are as a whole being. After all, we aren’t our stutters, just like we aren’t our triumphs, our losses, our healed parts, and our scars. These are all pieces of who we are as beautifully complicated humans.


One-Size-Fits-None


There’s more to stuttering than meets the eye, and we never really know what’s going on below the surface. Physical, cognitive, emotional, and psychosocial aspects all impact each other in a myriad of ways. Plus, every stutter, like every person and every voice, is unique – and it changes! It changes over time, and it changes moment to moment.


Staying dynamic and versatile are essential aspects of effective support. There’s plenty of room for creativity, exploration, and play! As SLP Uri Schneider put it: “It’s about picking up on the subtlety and being curious and unassuming – collecting the dots before connecting the dots.” In short, the best approach is a one-size-fits-none approach – figuring out what works best for this person in this circumstance.


Communication


First, there’s the language we use when we talk about stuttering. Words like “good” and “bad” place judgment: shifting to more neutral words shifts mindsets. In short, language matters. The stories we tell others – and the stories we tell ourselves – matter. If those stories keep us stuck, they might benefit from some rewriting.


There’s also the act of communicating itself. Some people who stutter communicate well, some people who stutter don’t communicate well, and some people who do not stutter don’t communicate well. We can probably all agree on this! “Effective communication” is often a balance between using fluency strategies and stuttering openly in order to share what you want to share in the way you want to share it.


After all, isn’t the ultimate communication goal to enjoy it? Communication is about connecting with and learning how to use your authentic voice, and it’s about courageously trying on different approaches for fit. We all want to feel confident expressing ourselves. As SLP and PWS Sara MacIntyre shared, ““Most people come to therapy wanting to be fluent, but I think they ultimately want to live a full life where stuttering isn’t the priority. They want to feel confident about how they communicate, enjoy communicating, and feel less worried about what others think.”


Empowerment


This is essentially the heart of therapy and support: empowering PWS to do what they want to do and be who they want to be. Empowerment can mean advocating for yourself in ways large and small. It can also mean desensitizing yourself by stuttering openly. To quote SLP and PWS Michael Boyle: “Continually avoiding what you fear doesn’t work long-term. You never grow, and you never learn how to cope.” Finally, empowerment can mean taking responsibility by sharing your story and teaching others.


There are many ways to think about empowerment, but the bottom line is that empowering ourselves opens the door to learning and growth. It allows us to figure out what works for us.


Understanding


As anyone who stutters knows, there are many misconceptions about stuttering. For example, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to say, “I’m not anxious, I just can’t get the word out!” or, “I have a strong vocabulary, I just have to use an easier word right now!” or, my personal favorite, “I know my address, and I’m not being shady! I just really struggle with the word ‘West’!”


One theme that emerged in these interviews was self-disclosure: telling people you stutter. Self-disclosing can decrease uncertainty and anxiety for both listener and speaker. It can also be an effective way to reduce stigma around stuttering. Speaking confidently, with a stutter, can change people’s perspectives.


It’s not always the preferred approach, especially if you prefer to go mostly incognito, but I have to say that I’m glad I share more openly now. It makes things easier, not harder. And you know what? No one cares. It’s not a big deal! It just reminds listeners to give me a little more space to speak when I need it, which I appreciate.


Value


Every stutter is a teacher. It teaches things like self-kindness, patience, flexibility, and empathy. We’re all works in progress, and there are many ups and downs in our journeys, but stutters have so much to offer us along the way.


There’s still a lot we don’t know about stuttering. As a PWS, I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, it frustrates me. I want to understand why! I mostly want to understand why I my stuttering is so erratic. Why are some days mostly smooth-sailing, while some moments are more of a hot mess? Why does the same word fly out easily in one sentence and get stuck like glue in the next one? Why are certain letters my kryptonite, time and time again...but not all the time?


Still, I’m continuing to work on appreciating my stutter for what it offers me and for how it has helped shape me as a person.

So, there you go: a humble attempt to wrap up four astoundingly eloquent and inspiring interviews in a (somewhat) bite-sized bow. What are the biggest takeaways?


First of all, stuttering is not black and white. It’s an intricate mosaic of color and sound and texture. It ebbs and flows, and it has peaks and valleys. It’s nuanced. It can be particular and downright sneaky, but it can also be liberating and magnanimous. As SLP and PWS Caryn Herring shared, “It’s not a linear path. There are still days or conversations where I think, ‘Wow. That was really hard,’ or when I choose not to say everything I want to say. I let myself have that! I don’t have to be a ‘perfect stutterer’ all the time.”


Stuttering also reminds us to practice self-kindness, and it reminds us to challenge ourselves in ways that help us learn and grow. Those moments when I stutter openly are just as empowering as those moments when I dance nimbly around and through an oncoming stuck point and arrive at seamlessly eloquent impact.


Finally, stuttering is the epitome of an authentic voice. From what we understand, it’s some sort of neural misfiring ingrained in our synapses. In other words, it’s literally part of who we are, so we might as well embrace it as a friend. Life’s too short to fight yourself.


With that, thanks for stopping by. And keep sharing your stories, because someone wants to hear them.

© 2017 jewolff.com

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